The phrase “sorry, not sorry” is an expression people use to show a lack of regret, or repentance, for what someone else may consider a wrongdoing.
For example, people love cats. I hate them, sorry, not sorry. It is what it is—a nonchalant expression of a lack of guilt. It is the purest form of a non-apology.
So while non-apologies like, sorry, not sorry, become the norm, it is wildly apparent that humans are obsessed with the need for apologies. It makes you wonder, why is it that we are so easily offended? And why do we get so bent out of shape when our feelings or hurts aren't acknowledged and atoned for?
People should apologize for their wrongdoings and they should mean it. Right? We should demand it, shouldn’t we?
"Starting a quarrel is like opening a floodgate, so stop before a dispute breaks out." Proverbs 17:14
The truth is we do not need to confront a person every time he or she offends us. Proverbs 19:11 further teaches us that godly wisdom compels us to forgive the offense, making it easier to forgive the offender. In fact, if you made it your personal duty to address every single person, from the cashier at the supermarket, to your boss, to your mailman, and the dog, you would be an extremely busy person.
Sometimes you just need to let it go. Every offense is not worthy of confrontation. Release your pride. Release your outrage, and let it go.
Dig deep with me for a second. Can you think of a person who has offended you without apology? Let me ask you, what if an apology never comes? How much is an "I'm sorry" worth to you? Place a value on it. Is it worth your happiness? Your peace of mind? Your ability to function in the purpose of what God has called you to do? How much is an apology worth?
"Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others." Colossians 3:13
That's why we forgive; because Christ forgave us. Not once, not twice. Not for "little" infractions, or just "small" insults. CS Lewis said, “to be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.”
Christ forgave. Christ forgives. Christians forgive. That's what the forgiven do, they forgive.
They say we should “forgive and forget.” Forgive....and forget. Forget? The truth is that the process to forgiveness can be more painful than the actual wound or hurt you have suffered. So, just because you have forgiven, doesn’t mean you have amnesia and that the offense never happened. Your heart may still hurt and your blood may still boil when you think about it. But the grace in forgiveness is your ability, through the Holy Spirit, to unconditionally love those who have wronged you; whether they're sorry or not. The bible teaches us that once you are saved, you have the mind of Christ and you are led by the Holy Spirit. That means, through the power of His might, you can do all things, including forgive.
In a world that thrives on hate, despair, and unforgiveness, as a believer, you must find a way to bandage up your wounds with grace and forgive your offenders. And perhaps you were already “the bigger person” and forgave once, maybe even twice. Should you do it again? Um, yeah. See: Matthew 18:21-22. According to the world's standards, they don't deserve it, but you must choose to do it anyway.
So, while I may not be able to offer much help on the forgetting part, forgiveness is a must.
Sometimes you have to be okay with an “I’m sorry” or an “I apologize for” that you’ve never received.
And that’s rough. But it’s necessary and vital to your spiritual health as a believer. Jesus teaches us to emulate grace by His own actions. "Forgive as you have been forgiven" (Matthew 6:14-15). Not because it is easy, but because it is at the core of who you are in Christ.